“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” Oscar Wilde
Somedays I feel more confident than others. I used to think as a teenager that when you were an adult you just magically became confident. I recall the women I used think oozed confidence, artists and musicians that were older and wiser than me, who were brave enough to share their work that they had poured themselves into. As I grew older I slowly realized that there apparently isn’t just one day where you wake up a confident grown ass woman. Instead, it was up to me to find that confidence within myself. It can feel like a lot of pressure sometimes as we get older to feel like you have it together and to put yourself out there to create a life you want. But knowing that your innate sense of self has always been with you is empowering. To be able to grow into whoever you want to become and improve your self esteem is constant work, but there are a few thing I have come to find help. And on days when my self esteem is lower than others or I have a big meeting or social event, I try to remember these tricks. Do you have any great self esteem boosters you employ?
1. The Awesomeness Portfolio. I recently discovered the Awesomeness Portfolio Technique from this article (that also lists some other great tips for confidence!). This easy project takes a couple minutes and can help you maintain your awesomeness: “Keep a list of all your accomplishments, experiences and events that made you feel competent, great at your work and confident in your abilities to shape the world. Every time you find your inner dialogue spiralling out of control, take a 3-minute break to go back to your Awesomeness Portfolio and remind yourself of how far you have come. Give your brain the evidence it needs to develop long-term confidence!”
2. Speak with purpose. Somewhere along the way, a lot of women learned that speaking up was not something women should be doing, and this is reflected in how we carryout conversations. As Tina Fey has said, “Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.”
3. Power of the power pose & posture. Stand tall and proud. You got up today, right? Be proud of that simple accomplishment of leaving your cozy bed! Good, straight posture can mentally boost your attitude as well as passively command respect. You physically take up more space, and you should, you deserve to take up all your personal space. Another fascinating and fun trick is the Power Pose. Take a moment in front of your mirror or in the bathroom stall before a big meeting to stand like Wonder Woman for two minutes and let the that pose empower you. Really! Its fairly known that people make judgements based on nonverbal cues like posture, but what is more interesting and helpful to know that these nonverbal cues can actually change how you think and feel about yourself via cortisol (the stress hormone) and testosterone. Check out social psychologist and Harvard associate professor Amy Cuddy’s 2012 TED Talk on this fascinating study.
4. Stop playing the comparison game. Don’t waste any precious time worrying about what other people think or how you compare to them. Most of the time they are thinking about themselves anyway. They definitely won’t be running that silly sentence you regretted saying over and over in their head, so why should you! “It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” Oprah Winfrey
5. You are amazing. As simple as that. There is only one you who has had your experiences and journeys. Think back on what you have already accomplished, what you may have overcome, or how good your hair looks today even though you just rolled out of bed. “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Image / via /